Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
