This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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