I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
