Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
