so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
