did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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