She is in my trunk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
