I am full of burrito and curiosity
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
