I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
