you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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