Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
