So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize