that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize