when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
