i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
