Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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