when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
