I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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