I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this will be a night to untag.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
