Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
