I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize