There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
