I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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