Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
