It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
