Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
