When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
