never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
