So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you had me at cake vodka
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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