Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize