i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
