I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
