Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
