Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
