i was born a porn star she said
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
