Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
