If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
