I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
