i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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