i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
NoShamevember. You game?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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