Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
