i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
