You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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