I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
