he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can text with my tongue
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
