dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
