also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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