I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
