$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
