Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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