I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
