Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
