You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
