my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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