Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
