shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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