I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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