My friends, they love my intelligence
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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