is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
