maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
