We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize