please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My liver just broke up with me...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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