guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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