just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
