FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
