my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
