Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
