Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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