All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
